As seen in The Collegian | Volume 1, Issue 10 -- January 29, 2002  

January 29, 2002

Cars more modest this semester...

The new sports car bra offers previously unseen levels of support and comfort. (above)

R-3 PARKING LOT -- Many student vehicles have arrived back on campus this semester with an added degree of modesty. The most popular form of automobile attire occurs with the black, leather grill cover.

In the past, the entire frontal region of flashy, slender, young sports cars have remained uncovered, revealing an ungodly amount of bare flesh. Sleak and sexy, the new grill covers are professed by the male population to actually add to, rather than subtract from, the beauty of their hot, little Hondas.

Affectionately known as the "sports car bra," the leather grill covers conform to the shape of any body, as all vehicles are unique. Strategically-placed enclosures allow headlights to remain bare for enjoyable night-time driving without the hassles of baulky clasps, straps and buckles.

Orthodox refute takeover reports...

Fr. Paul Yerger, VP of Academic Occurrences (above)

CLINTON, MS -- In response to last issue's cover story (See Hail to the Chief?, Issue 9) The Whittington Weekly recently received a notice from Fr. Paul Yerger of the Holy Resurrection Church declining Whitt Weekly's endorsement of Archbishop Dmitri for our new college president. Take a look:

Editor, The Whittington Weekly

I chanced upon your hilarious web page inspired by our invasion of the MC campus this June. Since Orthodox Christianity is so little known in America, I have always held to Mae West's opinion that "there's no such thing as bad publicity," and will share the link with our folks.

Since Mississippi College is a Baptist institution, the Archbishop and I cannot be considered candidates for positions of leadership there, but if such should miraculously be offered....

I am

Yours sincerely,

Fr. Paul Yerger
Holy Resurrection Orthodox Church
Clinton, MS

Thanks Fr. Yerger, we'll pass the news along to the presidential search committee. Something is still bugging us though...what WAS the kitty litter for?

Campus-affiliated radio station to
change name...

AVEN HALL -- The management of campus-affiliated radio station, Star 93.5, announced Tuesday that they will officially change the station’s call letters from WHJT to WFFH. Under this new format, the station plans to succumb to its listeners’ wishes to play music from contemporary Christian recording artists, FFH, 24 hours per day, seven days per week.

The radio station’s executive manager said that this decision is completely in response to listener requests. "We receive phonecall after phonecall from listeners with suggestions such as, ‘We don’t hear enough FFH,’ and, ‘I MUST have MORE FFH, GOD HELP ME!’" said the manager.

It should be noted that this seemingly dramatic change in format is not, in actuality, much of a change from standard format anyway. As it is, the station plays hits from artists, FFH, at least three times in every fifteen-minute set.

In an unrelated incident, the elusive and dangerous "radio station prank caller" was recently apprehended from his hide-out on third-floor Whittington Hall. He had apparently made over 58,000 phonecalls in the past semester to local radio stations.


Disclaimer: The Whittington Weekly is an unofficial student page, in no way related to the official Mississippi College home page. The stories contained within this site are meant for humor and satire purposes only and attempt to bring to the surface some of the lighter aspects of campus life. The writers/students have the utmost respect for the  faculty and staff and appreciate all of their hard work to better our education. Remember, parody is the highest form of flattery. Any coincidental resemblance to the truth is predominantly fleeting.

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