|As seen in The Collegian | Volume 1, Issue 9 -- September 25 2001|
As the sun sets on the new dawn at our beloved college, we at The Whittington Weekly have also reached a time of twilight. It is our greatest regret to inform you that the search for Whittington Weekly staff member, E.Z. Mac, has been brought to a halt. Nearly seven months have passed since E. Z. Mac's disappearance. Since then, a minimal number of reports have been received concerning his possible whereabouts, and even those rays of hope are very sketchy and indeterminate. Obviously, our friend has fallen either willingly or involuntarily (through some forcible hand of fate) into indefinite obscurity. These factors have led the remaining Weekly staff to make a difficult decision - that is, to permanently terminate E. Z. Mac from his position as a Whittington Weekly staff member.
However, just as there will be life at our college following the "new dawn," this dark time at the Weekly will imminently be followed by another sunrise. In light of this hope, we are enthused that we have been able to find a new writer to fill this unforeseen vacancy. So, please join the Weekly staff in welcoming our new staff member: E. Z. Cheese.
Unable to locate a renegade journalist of our publication's character anywhere in the United States, we began touring the world and eventually reached the distant highlands of Scotland before we found our new recruit. We first came upon E. Z. Cheese as he was beating the crud out of a leprechaun who had unfortunately ventured too far from his homeland of Ireland when he crossed paths with this Scottish militant. Pulverizing the leprechaun with what appeared to be a blarney stone, E. Z. Cheese exclaimed, "NO! NO! NO! AH DON'T WANT YER POT O' GOLD!" It was then that we knew E. Z. Cheese to be Weekly-worthy. Even more astounding is that after some family history research, it was discovered that E. Z. Cheese is actually a distant cousin of our former staff member, E. Z. Mac.
Though the changing of the guard is sometimes a toilsome and rigorous process, we have confidence that this new writer will be able to carry on the ideals of the Weekly in a manner that E. Z. Mac would have thought appropriate. Maybe he will never quite "fill the skirt" that E. Z. Mac once wore, but his efforts are sure to bring the Weekly through this time of confusion into a new identity. -- Whittington Weekly staff