to the Chief?
Dmitri endorsed for
Following an introduction of the special guests
in attendance at the head table, His Eminence began his address in a humble,
yet convicted manner. Through a seven point plan, the Most Reverend Dmitri
expressed his vision for a Mississippi College under Orthodox rule. In
His Eminence's opinion, many problems that plague our campus today would
be alleviated under his administration. Most notable of the solutions:
Paul Yerger, VP of Academic Occurrences (left) along with Rev. Milorad
Milosevich, the Orthodox's answer to Dr. Fortenberry (right)
Dr. Maureen Bezuhly-Galterio, Chair
of the new Vocal Music department (above)
This mysterious green "kitty litter"
was found under one of the banquet tables. We can only assume that
it was intended for the Archbishop's cat, Fluffy
1. Lack of
funds: Many cutbacks would be
made to the college's budget to get us back on track financially. Since
most Orthodox services are conducted by candlelight, the need for electricity
in the classroom would be passť. All "artificial voice projection" devices
would be sold, including microphones, speakers, sound monitors, and even
musical instruments. In the view of Dr. Maureen Bezuhly-Galterio, Chair
of the new Vocal Music department, the human voice will become the only
musical instrument "par excellance." A large range of acapella courses
will be provided.
Since the Orthodox way of life discourages dependence on man-made inventions,
students would be encouraged to greatly limit their use of cars on campus.
More bike racks, however, will be installed around the residence halls.
3. Student suicide:
Perhaps themost exciting of the proposals comes in the abolishment of
"CSC 144: Introduction to Computer Science" from the core curriculum.
Student suicide rates across campus will experience a tremendous drop-off
on account of this decision. Truth be known, the Orthodox do not hold
computers and technology in high regard.
Following a rousing ovation from all in attendance, the Archbishop's cabinet
and running mates were introduced including: Fr. Paul Yerger, VP of Academic
Occurrences (formerly Academic "Affairs", which sounded too controversial)
Fr. Andrew Tregubov, Chair of Orthodox Christian discoveries dept. (formerly
Christian studies) Rev. Milorad Milosevich, Chair of Oral Communications
dept. (formerly Mass Comm.)
Amidst all of these pending changes, there are many elements from the
previous New Dawn campaign that will make the transition: the carpet in
the Grand Hall (which features a "majestic and almost mosaic" design)
and the domes atop the Rotunda and New Women's (the "spacious, all-embracing
If the Most Reverend has his way, the Orthodox would join a rich legacy
of religious denominations that have held control of the college, including
the Presbyterians (1824 to 1850) and the Baptists (1850 to the present).
"The tumultuous winds of change are once again blowing through the city
of Clinton," declared the candidate. "Who will join us in our cries for
a new institution, where faith and learning are not just valued, but are
EXALTED?" -- Grandmaster